suck it up.

i'm pretty sure i'm a hardass. yeah, i feel like reed has been less than helpful in that department. it didn't create my perfectionism or even exacerbate it. it just presented it with an opportunity to grow--made it okay and acceptable, even lauded me for exhibiting those characteristics.

one of the things i loved about reed was that people got things done. no matter what. even if it (nearly) was going to kill you. I'm not sure why this was so comforting to me. but it was. there's this great power in knowing that you can do whatever you want to do if you just suck it up. suck it up. that was my motto. whether i knew it or not. and i don't see why it's that much worse than saying "you can do it." isn't "suck it up" really what you get when "you can do it." has a bad hair day or misses her bus?

when i run a committee-heck when i serve on one--i expect that kind of devotion. where you just will yourself to get everything done--no breaks, no parties, no nonsense. Here's the problem. Most people did not do that in college. most people don't believe in that. most people "need to let off steam." most people, most people, most people. i don't do well with most people. i need to stop that. i need to learn how to deal with "most people." and not solve the problem by doing all the work myself.